I like to think of myself as a happily introverted person. I’ve always preferred a quiet night at home to loud and crowded environments, and I’ve always been a fan of listening more than talking. I’ve been an avid reader since my childhood, when I discovered a reading program where if you read enough books, you could earn MORE BOOKS (there may have been other prizes involved, but that was the only one I cared about). These days on a Friday night, I’m hoping to get off work early so that I can curl up in bed with the book that’s waiting for me on my bedside table. While friends and co-workers go out to dance, drink, and party, I relish the idea of a quiet night doing laundry, watching Netflix, or organizing my books. Read more
I have a serious love/hate relationship with writing; it’s something that I love to do, and something that (for some crazy reason) I feel called to do… the part that I hate is where I press the “publish” button. If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you’ve probably noticed that the things I write about are “personal.” I write about my own life, things that are deeply significant to me; the things that weigh heavy on my heart, and the things that keep me up at night. Read more
The other night, I was talking to a friend who has been one of the primary organizers of our upcoming trip to Haiti. He was telling me about a conversation he had with the representative of the organization that we will be working with while we are there. According to this individual, in the places we will be going to distribute these water filters, if you ask the people “if you were to die today, what would be the destination of your soul?” a large portion of them would answer very succinctly, “Hell.”
If that doesn’t give you the chills, then you better check your pulse. Read more
There have been times in my life where I have worn the badge of perfectionism with pride. It was a sign that I was a motivated, driven, and successful individual, and my self identification as such certainly served me well when it came to school, work, or any competitive endeavor that I undertook. The perfectionist in me drives me to proof read everything from academic papers and blog posts, to 25 word text messages, as if my life depends on it. Looking back through this process of sharing my writing on a blog, I realized that on average each post that I write stays locked away for about 2 months before I finally force myself to press the “publish” button. And earlier this week I spent 10 minutes reading and editing a simple text message to a friend. Read more
This past December I went to Mexico with my Mom and my sisters. We spent a lot of time just laying on the beach and soaking up the sun, watching the waves endlessly roll in and crash on the beach, while brave souls played in the surf. (I’m terrified of the ocean, so I kept a safe distance of course).
Now, I’m no expert on the ocean or anything involved in managing those potentially perilous waters, but I spent some time observing the people who seemed to know what they were doing out there. When a wave would come crashing in, these people would face it, and as it got closer they jumped into the wave; and each time, they would be left standing once the wave passed. Every once in a while someone would be caught off guard, and an unexpected wave would knock them down. Other times someone would be intimidated by the sheer size of the wave coming at them and try to run away from it, only to be quickly overtaken. Read more
Have you ever had one of those moments where something causes you to stop and look around, and you wonder how in the world you got there? If you’re like my sister, you can start out driving to the south part of town and, if you’re not using your GPS, you can somehow end up 20 miles north instead! Or maybe you’re like me, and you set out to be productive on your day off, and somehow you end up watching cat videos on the internet! While I can certainly acknowledge the danger in spending my day watching cat videos instead of doing my homework, there are certain times when I seem to get off track in ways that have a much greater impact on my life. Read more
Merriam Webster’s Dictionary defines “Broken” as:
- Violently separated into parts
- Damaged or altered by breaking
- Made weak or infirm
- Cut off
- Not complete or full
Admittedly, none of these definitions sound particularly comforting or attractive, and I think we could all agree that they are not exactly things that we would want to have said about us. Yet this simple word, broken, has become one of the most precious words in my vocabulary. Read more
One of my favorite things is to look back and read through my old journals. Each time that I do so, I am encouraged, and often times I gain insight into this crazy journey I’ve been on. Admittedly, I am prone to “tunnel vision,” and I easily lose sight of the bigger picture of what God is doing in my life and in the world; and this practice helps me to take a step back and gain some valuable perspective. Today I want to share the words (raw and unedited) that I wrote in my journal one year ago today, as I was reflecting on the year that was drawing to a close. As we ring in the New Year, a season marked by well-intentioned but frail resolutions, I hope that it can be an encouragement to you, as it was to me. Read more
The other night, I couldn’t sleep. I was lying awake in bed listening to music, when a certain song came on. Now, one of my favorite things about music is how a single song can bring back a flood of memories in an instant. The song that came on my iPod was “You Found Me” by The Fray. This particular song brought me back to a day 5 years ago, when I was a sophomore in college. It was during one of the most difficult times of my life, I was really struggling and had recently fallen into using self-harm as a coping mechanism. On this particular evening, I posted lyrics from this song on my Facebook page; “Where were you when everything was falling apart? All those nights, waiting by the telephone that never rang, when all I needed was a call that never came…” Read more
There. I said it.
I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to find it, trying to take hold of it. I’ve read the self-help books, made bold self-declarations, and tried to find it in success and achievements. I’ve tried to pretend that I have it, wearing the mask of self-assuredness and independence. But I never truly found it.
And I’m glad. You see…
I don’t have it, and I don’t want it. Read more